Sheldor the White Knight
by Les Enfant Terrible
Summary: When a late night argument is interrupting important work you can't really expect Sheldon to ignore it. Especially if every video game he's ever played has been conditioning him to go help a Damsel in distress, not that Penny really needs his help, at least not in that way.
1. Chapter 1

**So how is everyone doing? This is my first Big Bang theory fic, probably just going to be a two shot, I'm kind of a (very) late comer to the show. I'm roughly halfway through series 2, so that's probably about where this is set, anyway enjoy!**

Sheldor the White Knight

Doctor Sheldon Cooper had been referred to as many things over the years, child prodigy, moonpie, the derogatory whackadoodle and, even if only by himself a superior mind. What had never been added to his resume, at least outside of any number of MMORPG's which he had partaken in over the years was Sheldon Cooper, savior of damsels in distress. What exactly had caused his ears to perk up at the sound of the shouting match taking place across the hall he was not sure. At this moment in time he was quite happy to deduce the reason why he was currently hovering at the apartment door was the fact that Penny and her latest Neanderthal had disrupted his work.

"How dare you!" **Thud **"Not even a movie producer you slimy lyling little sack of shit…Don't even touch me!"

Now Sheldon didn't know much about his neighbors latest tryst, but what he did know was that he had never heard her quite this distressed and angry, and even in what he considered a limited capacity as a rather new friend and neighbor, even just by way of proximity, he understood that the façade of anger would very quickly fade.

The physicist stole a quick glance back at his familiar comfy spot on the big leather sofa which was currently bathed in the soft glow of his laptop screen. Again he couldn't quite put his finger on why he was stood listening to world war three when he could have been attending to more important issues, the fabric of the universe for example.

**Thud "Ow!"**

Sheldon allowed himself a grim smile, ah yes it was because the girl next door was particularly fond of and more importantly in this case, accurate with her high heels.

Penny couldn't help but smile as Luke stood there rubbing the side of his face vigorously. To be fair Penny was surprised she'd even managed a glancing blow. She never really had been good at darts pissed. The man who had arrogantly invited himself upstairs took a step forward, he pointed at her with his free hand, a smile twisted by pain on his lips.

"Now toots" he had a thick Brooklyn Drawl, which above all else, was beginning to grate on his company. "Where there's blame there's a claim, I hope your willing to compensate." The grimace was replaced with a smirk as he took a couple of steps forward, arms thrown wide. Penny notice now how the sleeves of his cheap suit rode up and didn't quite fit. _Would have been a nice thing to notice about an hour ago. _ Penny tried to make the berating voice in her head go away, at least for the time being she had a bum to throw out of her apartment.

Penny took a tentative step forward so that she was stood at the opposite end of a sofa to a man who was quickly rising up her "worst decisions ever list" She cocked her head slightly to the side and stared at the man, hoping to be the intimidator in this particular situation. "How about you leave before I make sure your able to claim on your life insurance?" her tone was calm and even but more than a little menacing. Despite her best efforts Luke took another couple of steps forward.

Once he had heard Penny unload her second shoe Sheldon had slipped out of 4A quietly, still not wanting to betray his presence but at the same time paying credence to the fact that normally the warning shoe was enough to get rid of Penny's unwanted guests. In two strides he had crossed the hallway, he tentatively pressed his ear against the blue wooden door which was currently the only thing keeping him from the barmy which he could still hear going on on the other side.

"You creep get out of my apartment!" Penny's voice stirred something in Sheldon, he wasn't quite sure what, but it was quite clear to him now that the reason he was standing on the outside of 4B is because he didn't like what he was hearing, not because it was a distraction, but because it was a worry. So much of a worry in fact that for the first time since the age of four Sheldon Cooper entered an occupied room without first knocking three times.

The rangy physics timed his dramatic entrance just in time to hear a man who he had never seen before, with hair in which you could fry chips, say a line which he found himself hoping against hope was not true.

"Movie producer, porno talent scout, you weren't so picky at the bar." It is thought that those who have greater cognitive reasoning skills are slower to resort to violence, but at that precise moment in time Sheldon felt more like acting Stephen Seagal than Stephen Hawking. He would have done too had Penny not saved him the effort. The punch, and that was what it was a full-bodied right hook that sent the sleazeball spinning straight into the Texas native.

Penny meanwhile was just stood, eyes wide with shock, not quite sure whether it was because of the punch or how nicely it had landed, or because Sheldon, who towered over her sparring partner had taken the man by a pinstriped shoulder and marched him from her apartment. _Hopefully straight down the vacant lift shaft. _Wait, when exactly had Sheldon turned up, what had he heard? Penny began to panic, the gravity of what had just nearly occurred sending a rush of blood to her head, with the distraction gone the wooziness of alcohol returned tenfold and alongside the dizziness and rush of emotions Penny shrunk to the floor of her apartment. She felt hot tears began to roll down her cheeks.

_What had she nearly let herself do?_

**So that's chapter one, hope you enjoyed it. This feels like the first time I've written anything in ages so any feedback is gratefully received so please leave a review.**

**Thanks for reading**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N I'd like to thank everyone for all the favourites alerts etc for the last chapter. Special thanks to Ontheledge, PxRudd and Ses1515 for leaving reviews. I'd also like to give a special mention to Lis aka the wonderful author that is Melissa Alexander for looking this one over for me.**

**The C Word**

For the time being the situation at hand was enough to force Sheldon to ignore the conman's final retort. Either that or the shock of seeing Penny execute such a ferocious piece of hand to hand combat had been enough to cause a temporary bout of amnesia. Quickly wiping the shocked expression from his face he turned his focus back to the task at hand. Removing this waste of subatomic particles from the apartment, from the building, _from her life. _ Ok Sheldon that was a bit strong. Towering over the man who he was very quickly beginning to loathe Sheldon firmly placed his hand on his shoulder. And whilst it wasn't quite a Vulcan Death Grip it was certainly closer to kill than stun. He then preceded to march the smaller man out of the apartment and down to the lobby doors. Sheldon would have been surprised at the fact that his companion had not put up more of a fight but on closer inspection it appeared the punch was not the first time he had been struck tonight, he came to the conclusion that the ugly red welt on the other side of the mans face was shoe related. He afforded himself a little smile at that; perhaps this man just knew that tonight wasn't going to be his night. As they approached the doors which lead to the streets of Pasadena the physicist released his grip. The man barely paid any attention, at least, until he reached the door.

"Ahem"

The small cough was enough to make him stop for a second, more than long enough to take in the cold hard stare, laced with subdued anger and slightly less disguised arrogance which he had felt boring into the back of the head all the way down the stairwell. It sent shivers down his spine.

"Whilst you may have found the punishment dealt to you tonight enough to make this a moot point, I wish to make it clear that I do not wish to see you enter this building again, and should the thought ever enter your mind, please remember that I have access to chemicals that will make you vomit most of your unessential organs, and several of the more important ones, should I feel that way inclined" With that, Sheldon turned and took the stairs two at a time, not even waiting to watch him exit.

**Knock Knock Knock**

"Penny"

**Knock Knock Knock**

"Penny"

**Knock Knock Knock**

"Penny"

The knocks resounded on the other side of the door like claps of thunder. Slowly, Penny dragged her head up from where it had come to rest on her knees. Parting the fingers which still covered her damp face she just took to stare at the blue door, and who was on the other side.

I mean, it wasn't as if she hadn't expected him to come back, in fact if there was something she was feeling beyond the obvious right now, it was curiosity, she wanted to know why Sheldon Copper had managed to enter her apartment without knocking, why he had probably do the most manly thing any of her nerd-friends would ever accomplish. And although she wasn't looking forward to what would likely be a condescending lecture about how a lack of sleep effects brain functionality, she figured she at least owed him a thank you. Somewhat wearily she got to her feet and answered the door.

Dr Cooper was busy calculating exactly how many times he had stood waiting for his neighbor to answer the door during the short time she had lived here, but before he could come to a definitive answer it did indeed swing open. Whatever the actual number of times was he was sure that this was the worst state in which Penny had ever answered the door. At lest now he knew it wasn't best social practice to state that out loud, of course it wasn't best social practice to stare either, but he just couldn't help himself.

She stood there barefoot, an obvious result of them being her projectile of choice. The short black Cocktail dress, which cut off at mid thigh, was probably the only thing which hinted at what had probably started off as a good night.. Her hair was disheveled, probably through running her fingers through it repetitively and her make up was nothing more than a watered down mess. She tried to ignore the fact that Sheldon's eyes, were coolly, analytically looking her over, it was amazing that even at a time like this he could act so robotically. Then his gaze rested on her hand which she was trying hard to avoid admitting was beginning to throb. She didn't care she probably deserved it. Nevertheless she found herself rubbing it absent mindedly with her other hand.

" You gonna stand and stare all night or are you gonna come in?" Her voice was meek but enough to make Sheldon feel uncomfortable because he was indeed staring. Sheldon just returned a weak smile before following her inside 4B.

Penny adopted her usual seat on the sofa tucking her knees under her chin and hugging them tightly, expecting Sheldon to take up his own spot in the smaller green chair. It was a nice surprise then when he returned with a hot mug of tea in one hand and a cold compress in the other. Silently he sat down next to her and took her hand, pressing the cold ice pack against her swollen knuckles. He felt her whole body tighten. His understanding of biology convinced him it was just her muscles reacting to the introduction of such an extreme temperature, in reality however her mind had recoiled in a state of shock from the fact that Sheldon Cooper was initiating so much bodily contact. Sure she understood that perhaps they were closer than most people would have you believe, especially if you take into account she was the only one allowed free access to his room. And she sung soft kitty, and he helped her make Penny blossoms. Her train of thought was interrupted by a familiar, matter of fact tone.

"You should drink" it came out as more imperative than maybe he had hoped, but that didn't make it any less true. He leant over and handed her the steaming mug of tea that had sat untouched on the table.

"Oh believe me sweetie, I think I've had more than enough to drink tonight." The sarcastic joke at her own expense was lost on her present company, as was any possible shred of empathy or emotional tact.

"I believe that was obvious, that man who left your apartment seemed very keen to make you part of what I am assured is a very profitable, but utterly degrading profession designed to cater to those whose sexual appetites and desires trump that of even Wolowitz" Penny could feel something stir in the pit of her stomach, but at this moment in time she'd rather invite Luke back into the apartment than break down in front of the self righteous Dr Sheldon Cooper.

"I didn't know…" she began, before realizing the lecture was not finished. "Not to mention the fact at that he was probably expecting coitus in return" it took Sheldon some considerable effort to remain seated while this thought ran through his mind, white knuckles and the fact his nails were close to breaking the skin of his palms were the closest he came to betraying himself, not that Penny would have noticed, she was too mad.

At his use of the C word she had shot up from her chair nearly scolding them both with hot tea, which sloshed on the brim of the cup with every aggressive movement. "Why do you have to go and do that?" her voice raised an octave in a mixture of desperation and anger. Sheldon raised his head, which all the time he had been speaking and stayed staring straight ahead, unwilling or perhaps unable to look at the young Blonde he was looking after. His eyes conveyed the fact he didn't understand what he was asking.

"Why'd you have to be all nice and then, and then be …you?" She sounded exasperated, as she waved her arms up and down, gesturing at the man in front of her. He simply quirked an eyebrow, and she could see he was trying to digest the question.

" I do not understand, how could I stop being me, surely if I were not me then I would not be here, we would not be having this conversation…"

_Poor robotic Sheldon, isn't this the sort of thing that makes robots' heads explode, maybe if I'd just called him a condescending asshole he'd have got it, even if he didn't quite deserve that that tonight._

Instead she settled for pointing at the door, her tone now more upset than angry. "Just please leave Sheldon" Her green eyes were soft and wide, almost pleading. He looked up and met them before slowly rising to his feet. "Very well, goodnight Penny, drink the tea, it will prevent alcohol related symptoms appearing in the morning."

With that he was gone, and she was once again alone with his thoughts.

**Well that's Chapter Two, I didn't want to rush things. Thanks for reading and if you enjoyed it please leave a review. Until next time.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N The support I'm getting for this fic has been great. I'd like to start by thanking you guys who have reviewed both chapters for your continued support. Thanks also to Jslee102, Warriorof theravens HeathRowTottie and mowgli. If stories were a car, then reviews are petrol. With that said, its onto chapter three.**

**The Morning after the Night Before**

Unsure of what time he had even made it to bed last night, let alone the fact he hadn't fallen asleep it was safe to say that when the alarm did go off in the room of one Dr. Sheldon Cooper, it was absolutely clear he would rather have a Ceti eel forcibly inserted into his brain by Kahn himself. Nonetheless, today was Tuesday, which like most other days meant he had to go to work. A voice in the back of his mind reminded him that a certain blonde girl would also have to be getting up for work.

_Well if she took my advice and at least drank the tea, then she wouldn't have to deal with the symptoms of a hangover._

It would however take more than some not entirely understood concern about his neighbor to disrupt the schedule of this physicist. With more than a little protest from his weary body Sheldon swung his legs out of the bed and onto the floor. He got to his feet and headed for the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later Sheldon felt refreshed, the memories, as well as the hazy fog of tiredness, appeared to have been washed down the plughole. It was, he thought, one of the quaint little intricacies of phycology and physiology, where metaphorically at least the water cleansed both body and mind. He made his way to the kitchen to make the first important decision of the day. Breakfast. According to the schedule something from the upper end of the scale was not out of the question. Sheldon's hand hovered over the box of Honey Hoops just as Leonard entered the room.

"Good morning Sheldon" the bespectacled shorter man greeted his roommate before also making his way to the small kitchen and going about making a cup of coffee.

"What do you mean?" he said. "Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?" Sheldon smiled at his own joke "Bazinga."

Unfortunately the infinite humor of a J.R.R. Tolkien quote at six o'clock in the morning appeared lost on Leonard. Something which was not lost upon his friend, who, by his own admission was becoming rather good at reading peoples emotions, was the fact that Leonard didn't even pick up on the reference. With a spoon in the one hand and a freshly poured bowl of Fibre O's (which he had decided would be essential given the disruption to his internal clock) in the other. Sheldon took a moment to survey his friend. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, in fact he would hazard a guess that Leonard had had a far better nights sleep than himself.

_Except of course, he hadn't._

That was right, the whole reason Sheldon was alone last night, at least for the small amount of time he was alone, was because his roommate had been out on a date with Lesley Winkel. The woman who, despite his objections, Leonard had decided to begin seeing again after his subtle, but definite rejection from Penny. Unsure how to broach the subject. Sheldon just sat at himself down on the couch and set about eating his cereal, which due to the silence in the room seemed a painfully loud experience. This silence which Sheldon was so unaccustomed to lasted all through breakfast, all the way to the lobby and around ten minutes of the usual commute.

"At the risk of regretting this question, I would like to enquire why you seem so lethargic this morning Leonard." He could see his companion mulling over the question. Without taking his eyes off the road Leonard tried his best to answer.

"You know I went on a date with Leslie last night?" It was more of a statement than a question, but Sheldon answered it anyway.

"Against my best wishes, yes" to his surprise the less than enthusiastic retort was not met with an instant comeback. "Did it not go satisfactorily?" Sheldon was only partially interested in the answer, but he feigned interest in an attempt to get his uncharacteristically quiet friend talking again.

"Yes Sheldon it went well" even to ears not adept at detecting sarcasm the answer was clearly laced with it, along with more than a hint of frustration.

Sheldon turned to face his companion, a look verging on offence etched across his face. "Whatever your quam is Leonard I believe if you examine its causation then the origin does not lay with ours truly." Sheldon's voice had hitched up just an octave. Leonard uneasily shifted his hands on the steering wheel, although not so much to earn himself another lecture from Sheldon. His face softened and flashed an uneasy smile. "No, your right Sheldon, I'm sorry" he conceded.

"Of course I'm right." Leonard winced at the fact that it sounded like his apology had caused more offence than the original comment. He hurriedly moved to close the subject "Of course you are, its just I don't know, everything was going well, on the outside." Leonard's voiced trailed off, almost to a sigh

Sheldon narrowed his eyes, "You're referring to your gastronomical problems?" Leonard burst out laughing.

Ok, maybe he wasn't quite as good at understanding people as he had recently been lead to believe. Never the less it appeared to break some of the awkward tension that had built up in the car. Once he had finished laughing Leonard's face once again settled into a steady seriousness. "No it was fine, but that was it, just fine. I wasn't excited, I wasn't even nervous; in fact I only went through one shirt.. That was the problem." Now it didn't take a genius to work out where this was going, but being a genius wasn't exactly making it any easier to prepare for. Sheldon could already feel the seatbelt tightening across his Green Lantern adorned Chest.

"She doesn't make me feel the way Penny makes me feel" Sheldon gripped the seatbelt desperately trying to force himself to breathe as Leonard seemed quite happy, no doubt allowing himself some moment of thought on how exactly the young girl across the hall made him feel. Sheldon on the other hand, was sweating cobs, his eyes darting around the inside of the car. The overwhelming feeling of guilt was crushing him as if it had suddenly multiplied the gravity inside the vehicle sevenfold.

_Get ahold of yourself Sheldon! Leonard knew they had gone their separate ways right?_

Sheldon gave a little nod of acknowledgement to his conscience. Less of a nod and more of a nervous tick really. Luckily Leonard appeared to still be waxing lyrical about how Penny made him feel.

_All you did was get rid of an interloper, and for very little thanks I might add, there is no reason not to tell him, and even less reason for him to be angry, after all, you were defending the honor of his beloved._

Sheldon filed away his use of Penny and honor in the same sentence for a future bazinga at her expense once this had all blown over. The point still stood though, he had no reason not to tell Leonard. Sheldon cleared his throat, stopping his love-struck friend mid sentence.

"Sorry Sheldon, I was rambling, I noticed you didn't get much of your paper written, why?" Sheldon's look of horror was apparent "You left your laptop open, on the desk" Leonard quickly clarified.

_Just tell him _the voice chimed in again.

"I, I spent the night playing Age of Conan with Penny" Sheldon blurted out, perhaps a little too quickly.

Sheldon Cooper was a chronically bad liar, which explains we he had only told half the truth, he had spent most of the night with Penny. What he couldn't explain was the feeling of guilt and the fact he had felt the need to even tell a half truth.

**A/N Thanks for Reading, next time we'll catch up with Penny, I know this is a bit slower than the last two chapters but I tried to throw a couple of references in there. Until next time readers, stay classy.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Pondering Problems and Solutions**

As he practically threw himself out of Leonard's car and raced into the university building Sheldon was completely sure there were only two things that had prevented his dear friend from deducing something was wrong. Whilst not a certified genius, Leonard Hofstader was anything but the bluntest implement in the box of surgeons tools. He was however accustomed to Sheldons admittedly somewhat eccentric behavior, and he knew that no matter how hard he tried, his friend could not tell a lie.

Although that itself was not entirely true, now was not the time for nitpicking. Sheldon was powerwalking the well-trodden route to his office, the walls, adorned with awards and alumni, going past in an almost warp like haze. He made it to his office in half the usual time and after turning to lock the door, took a moment to compose himself.

His physiological response was illogical; he had already heard himself say that he had nothing to fear from divulging what had happened to Leonard, yet despite his best efforts something had stopped him. He had no doubt this same thing was what was causing the almost irrepressible bouts of nausea he had been experiencing. This was becoming a problem, and like most academics, he knew only one way to go about solving a problem.

"I'm afraid you will simply have to wait, string theory" Sheldon lamented, wiping his latest work from his board. To be honest, the point he was up to in his research of string theory was much easier for him to understand than the recent goings onwhich were a whole new phenomena he needed to understand. As far as scientific conventions go, the use of a Venn diagram was normally left far below this level of academia, but here it served a purpose. Sheldon quickly drew three interlocking circles, one to represent each of the key factors to his current dilemma, Penny, himself and Leonard.

He started with Penny. Aspiring but unsuccessful actress leading to the previous nights incident, the same could be said of most of her relationships. Attractive woman and dear friend who always had his back. Struggles emotionally at times, maybe due to feelings of inferiority due to her current company. And financial/work situation. This he hypothesized would be the combination of factors that caused her to turn her ire on himself in their last encounter.

Sheldon took a step back from the board and scratched his chin for a moment before reluctantly scribbling a big question mark after the word _friend._ It would certainly explain the pangs of guilt that had been plaguing him lately. His pen then hovered over to the circle which in this scenario represented his best friend. The elephant in the room, and now on the board, was the fact that Leonard was still harboring romanticized feelings about the girl across the hall. Feelings no one, including Sheldon knew if she wished to reciprocate. Leonard was however; still highly protective of her, a fact that Sheldon knew was the reason he had kept what happened last night a secret. He was also Sheldon's longest friend so he knew the word judgemental belonged on the board. He would likely look down on the fact that Sheldon had chosen to interfere, despite the fact that he would have done the same thing himself.

The final circle was still empty. Painstakingly slowly Sheldon etched the words _Currently Emotionally Attached _into it. For all the good that did him, he spent the next ten minutes staring at the blank space around this statement, before admitting defeat and taking a seat behind his desk.

With all the time he had spent recently trying to decipher the feelings of others, he had totally avoided taking time to reflect on his own thoughts in this entire fiasco.

The biggest issue right now was the fact that recently he may have been starting to become more attached to Penny, at least, more attached then Dr Sheldon Cooper is normally capable of, however he knew that that was were it had to end, as an inkling of a feeling and a whisper of an idea. But that did not mean he did not care. Indeed that was no doubt the reason he had helped her resolve the problem the other night. Despite her many flaws she meant a lot to him, that much he would concede. For Leonards sake and the sake of his own conscience he would concede no more. The guilt would kill him…The Guilt because of the Attraction…Which had only really come about since she had once again become available. The answer, piece by piece revealed itself, and had it not been a cliché, Sheldon would have jumped from his chair and shouted eureka.

He had helped Penny before, but she was still upset not really because of him but with the current state of her situation. He could simply regain her favor by helping her get her life back to where she wanted it to be. Starting by convincing her to get back together with Leonard! That way she would be once again off the market and he would no longer feel attracted to her, things would go back to the way they once were, the way they should be.

With a Sense of satisfaction Sheldon let out a sigh. To quote Sean Connery in the role of Henry Jones Senior. "If I just sit down and think, the solution to a problem often presents itself."

**A/N I know we said we'd see Penny here but I didn't like jumping character focus while they're in different locations, and I still had a few loose ends to tie up with Sheldon. Which explains this chapter, and why it's a bit shorter than normal. Next time I promise we'll see Penny. **


	5. Authors Note

**Authors Note.**

I'd like to start this note like I start most of my others, by thanking you all for the continuing support of myself and this fic. I forgot how much fun writing was. That being said, unfortunately I have decided there will only be one more chapter, I did have an idea how to extend it as a story, but there are a number of reasons I decided against it. I thought it would've been unfair to just call it a day and not explain myself though so here's the reasons why. Firstly, it was only meant to be a oneshot even though I decided to flesh it out a bit to do it justice it was all just what was originally planned, with the exception of the ending, which is slightly different. The other main reason is I am a university student who goes back to being full time on Sunday, this dramatically decreases my writing time, and I don't like the idea of either having long ass waiting times between chapters or turning out rushed, half arsed stuff. That's not a fair reflection of me and I don't think it'd be fair for you.

So this fic is going to come to an end which will hopefully will do it justice, and next time I get a decent amount of time off I will start something new, and who knows, between now and then there might be the odd oneshot.

Thanks

Ben AKA Les Infant terrible (Brownie points if you know what fandom my pennames from.)


	6. Chapter 5

**The Morning after the Night Before: Part 2**

"Uggh" the pained, muffled sound was all that Penny could muster as she dared open her eyes just a crack. Not that it mattered; there was no one around to hear her and no one around to judge. Well except herself, and boy did she have a lot to be judged on right about now. That however could wait because at the moment she was still in her cocktail dress, and more pressingly there was an ever-growing damp patch down near her left hand. She was glad it was just the ice pack, honestly she had woken up in a lot worse, although thinking about it the emotional train wreck tethered to that ice pack was arguably much worse than say, blood or throw-up. _Chunder would_ _probably take less time to clean up as well._

After a long hot shower, and a couple of paracetamol Penny was wide awake and somewhat freed from her headache, the physical one at least, the other she still had to work out. Dressed in baggy tracksuit bottoms and a Nebraska Cornhuskers top she had made the decision that work was definitely not an option. Even if the clock, which read 12:30 hadn't already made that decision for her. She quickly stripped off the wet bedding and it joined the cocktail dress on the floordrobe. At this point she felt as if cleaning would just be procrastinating from other problems.

Soon after breakfast, or what breakfast she could manage, she found herself in the same situation she had been hours earlier, sat on her sofa, in her apartment. Except this time, she was alone with her thoughts. Thoughts that she was now sure had it not been for her drunken state, would have kept her up all night. The worst part was that it wasn't even her anger at bringing that guy, Luke , yeah that was it, back to the apartment which was hurting her the most. Sure he was a slimeball and yes she had let him sweet talk her and fill her head with ideas of stardom and the silver screen, but that was her mistake, and she was the one who deserved to be hurt by it. No one else.

If anything, the fact the man she brought was a (Lets put it nicely) _Adult Talent Scout _pretty much summed up her love life. Men saw something they wanted, and tried whatever they could to get it, none of them ever wanted anything different; they all just had slightly different methods to achieve their goal.

She sighed and got up, taking her now empty mug over the counter. None of that excused her for shouting at Sheldon though. He had just been trying to help, hell he had helped. Penny felt a shiver run down her spine as she remembered the cold steely look he had had in his eye. She had never seen him like that before…and he came in without knocking…and all the touching. Penny twisted the tap on forcefully and busied herself with rinsing out the mug before that particular train of thought continued further down the rails.

In short, what Sheldon had said was wrong, but for him to say it must have been because he cared, he had helped her with something which was clearly not his mess to become involved in, whatever his motive he deserved an apology for the way she spoke to him. Especially seen as how everything he said was true, crude and insensitive, but true.

_Apologizing to Sheldon Cooper see Penny, this is what happens when you drink._

Now, Penny knew she didn't have Vulcan hearing, and she knew that as much as the gang complained about it, neither did Sheldon Cooper. At least, not strong enough to hear her ponderings, from work…through her head. The whining of Leonard however was a distinctive noise that had become an often annoying feature in her life, and it was unmistakable.

"I wish you'd just tell me why we had to come home so early, I could have spent the time getting some more Tests done."

As he walked up the stairs Sheldon turned to face his companion. The corner of his mouth twitched. He still hadn't managed to tell Leonard, In truth he couldn't find the words. Besides social conventions dictate that friends sometimes appreciate pleasant surprises from other friends. Surely there would be no greater surprise for Leonard than Penny once again being willing to engage in a relationship and, he supposed more specifically coitus.

_Your not supposed to use that word_. Sheldon was about to scold the mental voice in his head, not to mention attempt to still his once again churning stomach when he realized he had stopped dead on the stairs. Leonard had stopped on the landing, which Sheldon quickly calculated was about six steps away, and for once, was looking down on the much taller Texan.

"Is your battery dead or do you just need rebooting?" he asked, somewhat exasperated, still not understanding why Sheldon had forced him to drive home. Bribed him actually. With a comic book, Sheldon never gave his comic books away… Leonard raised a quizzical eyebrow and Sheldon knew that he was starting to smell a rat. He needed to act more…normal.

"Ah yes, a joke at my supposed mechanical expense, very good Leonard" he drawled, taking the stairs two at a time. "As I was saying, as important as your repetition of other scientists work is." Leonard opened his mouth to say something, but quickly thought better of it; Sheldon was obviously in one of those moods. He turned and set about unlocking the door while Sheldon finished his insulting rambling. "I have matters to attended to which will improve the lives of everyone on this floor."

Leonard let out a bit of the chuckle. "Gonna throw yourself out of the window?" he muttered under his breath as he entered the apartment. Unfortunately Sheldon had hot on his heels and began to launch into another statement about how great minds had often been known to die early, and that it would be extremely selfish to selfishly steal a great mind from humanity..

In fact, it was a relief when he was dumbstruck by a tentative knock at the door.

**A/N I know I said there'd only be one more chapter, but indulge me, I didn't want catching up with Penny take away from their actions, and I've never been one for planning anyway. But we can now focus on the final showdown between Penny and Sheldon, which is what the story has been leading to. As I never tagged this as a true romance, I'm unsure whether to go for the heartfelt or romantic ending, any thoughts? Anyway that's enough from me, thanks for reading.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Deus Ex Machinima**

Penny's eyes had grown wide as she heard events unfolding just outside her door. Somehow she knew the only reason he would come home was because he was hurt, he was sulking. No on second thought she knew him better than that. If he had been sulking then he wouldn't have even left his room, let alone made it to work. Her eyes grew wide as she heard the door across the hall click shut. Sheldon was hiding something, and he knew the best way to do that was to annoy Leonard to the point where he thought it wouldn't be worth his while talking to Sheldon, let alone asking him any questions. Once she was happy that both of the occupants of 4A were safely inside Penny decided that the longer she left things the way they were the more likely it was that Sheldon would fall out with her, or worse, there'd be a familiar trio of knocks echoing throughout her apartment.

And this was a situation she needed to have control over, yes she needed to apologize, but it needed to be on her own terms. She had to explain, and maybe if she caught him of guard then he'd be able to come up with some sort of explanation as to why he had acted so, so unsheldonlike. Hopefully this would also explain why she had enjoyed seeing him like that so much, and why when she had heard him come back just now her first thought was because she hoped his head was as messed up as hers right now.

So in this case it served to be the aggressor, she strode across the hall with purpose, coming to a halt at the door adjacent to her own. She stood for just a second, rocking on the balls of her feet, before closing her eyes, taking a deep breath and knocking on the door. She heard the occupants on the other side go quiet.

Both men knew who was at the door. Sheldon because he would not question for a minute the fact that Penny was feeling aggrieved about some of his comments last night, and rightly so. Leonard on the other hand knew because well, Jehovahs and girl scouts never came this far up the stairs and the only other two people who ever visited them were still at work, because they weren't stupid enough to agree to drive Sheldon home for no apparent reason.

Leonard got up from where he had desperately flopped on the couch to answer the door while Sheldon just stood perfectly still, as if the knock had triggered a hypnotic suggestion and he was now a statue.

Leonard opened the door and was met by the clearly somewhat agitated blonde. "Hey Penny" he smiled, glad to see a friendly face. "Sheldon's just trying to explain to me what a great loss it would be if he committed suicide, although right now, I think I'm a greater danger to his life than he is." Leonard, in his own way, was trying to tell Penny to run away and spare her his current woe.

She returned his smile, and to be honest, any other time she might have took notice of his warning. But now was not the time, "I need to speak to him… unfortunately" Leonard seemed taken aback and nervously pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Seriously Penny, If this is about Age of Conan then I really don't think that now is a good time."

At the sound of his name Sheldon suddenly came to life, if only because he had to act before Penny's confused facial expression started to unravel is web of deceit.

"Nonsense Leonard, Sheldor is always available for those who need him."

Sheldon practically pushed his way past his flatmate and shepherded Penny to her own door. "We must get to your computer, the Barbarian Hordes wait for no one!" He sounded almost hysterical. Leonard just watched them go into the next apartment. _ Whatever, he was her problem now._

Once they were safely out of earshot Sheldon began. "Penny, I wish to apologize for my distasteful remarks regarding yourself and coitus."

Penny just stood there dumbstruck., eyes bugging out of her skull. Not only had she just witnessed Dr Sheldon Coopers first ever successful lie, but he had followed it up with a seemingly heartfelt apology.

"No Sweetie its me that needs to apologize." Penny shook her head in astonishment; the last thing she had expected was for Sheldon to think he was in the wrong (partly because for the most part, he wasn't) let alone that he was willing to apologize. She wrung her hands nervously, but Sheldon continued unperturbed. "Nevertheless, my comments were unesseacarily harsh, and I wish for you to understand that I only said them because I care." He felt a weight clear off of his shoulders, he did care, that was why he was there then and that was why he was here now. He knew that, and she knew that, but it still took them both by surprise when it came out of his mouth.

Penny sat down. "Even more reason for me to apologize." She let out a choked laugh, Sheldon gracefully sat down next to her and took her hand. "I let the way I was feeling about other stuff get on top of me, I didn't thank you for getting that douche out of here, I just snapped at you." Sheldon could see her beginning to well up. "Its not your fault." His voice was quiet, his soft Texan accent becoming more pronounced.

Penny dragged her sleeve across her face, wiping it free of looming tears. She smiled as she noticed Sheldon wince just a little bit, but bite his tongue just short of lecturing her on why people should use tissues.

"And its not your fault I'm a failed actress, a bad friend, and someone who cant keep a relationship no matter what she tries."

Sheldon shot up out of the sofa and straightened to his full intimidating height. He paced the room. "I will not listen to this!" She craned her neck to track his movements and could see his face contort with a mixture of frustration and indignation.

"For a start", he turned on a dime, raising his finger to emphasize his thoughts. "It is impossible to fail at acting if you have never actually been given a concrete opportunity to act, that is before we can even go into the fact there is no tangible measure of how good actress is." She noticed he had that spark in his eye that only normally appeared when he was talking about physics

"A bad friend wouldn't have come to apologize tonight, a bad friend wouldn't sing soft kitty to her sick friend." Sheldon was taking great pleasure in destroying her self-depreciating theories.

Penny knew he was right, and the strength with which he was arguing with her was actually making her feel better, in his own way, he was comforting her. She stood up to join him. "That's only two out of three Sheldon."

"Leonard would do anything to sustain a relationship with you, as would any number of other men" His voice, compared to his previous two statements was no longer quite so firm, and when she tried to meet his gaze he turned is head slightly, fixating on some spot just beyond her left ear.

Penny continued to look at him. He seemed so caring and honest, and for once his voice was sincere rather than condescending. That was becoming a bit of a habit around her. He was right of coarse; unfortunately he didn't seem to understand. Penny found her self getting up from the sofa and walking towards him. "That's part of the problem Sheldon" she wasn't sure right now whether this was directed at her friend, or simply talking herself round to the idea. "Every man I've ever been with, even Leonard, has seen this…" She slowly raised and lowered her arms, gesturing at herself. "…First, they've decided they've wanted me without, you know, knowing me." Sheldon met her gaze and slowly nodded. He certainly couldn't speak for every man she had met, that would be a statistical impossibility, but that had certainly been the response of Hofstader, Wolowitz and Koothrappali, although they were hardly a reliable or representative sample. He suddenly became very aware that she had closed the distance between them. A small smile curled at the corner of her mouth as she continued. "Because deep down, they were all interested in the same thing that porn producers are."

Her heart was pounding against her chest now, threatening to break free from her ribcage. She was now sure where she was going with this. Not too long ago she had complained about wanting to try and date someone different, and she had just explained how Leonard, despite outside appearances, was no different.

"You know Sheldon, there's only been one man Ive ever known who has spent time to get to know me before deciding whether he liked me or not."

The Physicist's face did not show any change in expression, it wasn't the usual case of being unable to read the signs, he was just unable to compute what was happening.

"There's only been one man who has properly, truly cared." Penny threw her arms round his neck, looking to close the space between them. She went on her tip toes, all the time keeping her eyes locked on his. Their lips met and Sheldon felt a rush of electrical impulses race to his brain, he felt her tongue brush his lips, he complied. After what seemed like an age she pulled away. It was not the deepest or most intense kiss she had ever been part of. It was simple and chaste, but that was the whole point. Sheldon couldn't have been bothered if it hadn't have gone any further. He just couldn't wipe the big silly old grin of his face.

After several seconds he just quirked an eyebrow. "A big ole' five"

**A/N And with that ladies and gentleman, I bring this story to a close. The title is somewhat satirical, because people tend not to like Deus Ex's fixing problems, but Sheldon had all the answers. I went for romantic, but still wanted to keep it, I don't know, not rushed, not desperate. I hope that came across.**

**Finally I'd like to thank you all one last time for reading, I can only hope you enjoyed it as much as I have writing it. Its probably going to be Christmas before I get another chance, but you never know, If I get a spare weekend I might manage the odd oneshot. Until next time.**


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